This Life Is No Drag

A little more about my Vegas trip. . . feeling somewhat lucky after my bonding with Charo, I headed over to the Imperial Palace for a late night female impersonation show.  Joan Rivers (not on the birth certificate) but known as Frank Marino was the high-hair hostess for this glamorous show extravaganza.  The constant parade of costumes and jaw dropping one-liners were some of the ingredients that kept his show sizzling.  The beautiful numbers by the "women" were beyond belief.   These men made up and maneuvered for Mariah, plumped and pulled for Miss Parton, and waxed and tucked for Whitney.  I'm convinced if you dropped any of these bitches anywhere for one night, no man would be going home single because this show and these divas were a convincing sign of success!

Frank Marino and me (by the way, I'm wearing Helmut Lang top, and Pringle jacket)

She's working more than just 9 to 5

After the show, I had a little coffee talk with the main diva himself for some little insider tips on his show-stopping fashion, and here's the skinny:

     -     His flawless face was camera ready, and he's got it down to a science taking him only about an hour to perfect that face.
     -     He explained though that it's kind of crazy to get through airport security these days with as much makeup as this girl needs and one of his lines of choice is MAC cosmetics.
     -     Of all the ensembles he wears on stage, one of his favorites is the bright canary yellow "big bird" number which is covered in sequins and topped off with a maribou cape, and honestly I think there are more feathers in this production than a chicken ranch in Texas.
     -     His gowns are made by several designers including Nolan Miller and Bob Mackie, and he occasionally re-works them if he loves them enough to keep on wearing them.
     -     Admitting that he loves his new schedule of six days a week and one show a night (even at that I was exhausted for them), he replies it's a lot better than six shows a day like he did when he first started on the strip.  Oh by the way, this queen even has a street named after her - so jealous!

There ain't no mellow in this yellow

Only in Vegas

Dingy Destination

I am always surprised as the summer begins to come to a close at how many articles of white clothing I have accumulated throughout the season.  Actually, I have to wonder after that many months of hand-washing, dry cleaning, Tide pens, and straight bleach why they all end up the same dark shade of dingy white!  It reminds me of the time I vacationed in Miami many years ago.  Upon arriving, I had high hopes of eating mahi-mahi with super models, drinking at the Delano with Donatella, and taking a catamaran with the Kardashians.  Unfortunately, it turned out the beaches and our once white-washed luxury hotel room had aged to the same dingy palette of ash-tray sand (too many summers coming to a close I guess).  It was no less than 108 degrees by the way, and no one looks glamorous in that kind of heat.  My green palm-tree printed silk Versace pants were wedged into my ass crack with sweat and my Helmut Lang sleeveless top was stuck to me like a tee on a hooker in a wet t-shirt contest.  Out of a week's stay in the sunshine state, the only celebrity spotting was in the international airport while I was waiting on my coach ticket home, and that celebrity was Gilbert Godfried.  Yes I know you are shocked that I even recognized him, but it's even more shocking to think that I was flying coach!

Jean Paul Gaultier pinstripe jacket, Giambattista Valli draped knit shirt, Yigal Azrouel pinstripe pants, Miu Miu glitter and rhinestone shoes, green Hermes birkin bag

Street Chic

When black is not so basic - street chic picks show how black outfits can be polar opposites.  One is clean and classic while the other is edgy and artsy.  This very hip PR guy we met in Las Vegas hails from the fabulous city of Madrid where style is always tailored and refined.  His black cardigan has great detail with the white trim, and the skinny black trousers give a current silhouette.  Each piece individually is timeless in design but when paired together, the simplistic look becomes totally modern.  For our  forward thinking hairstylist, she has combined black pieces to create a look that is still simple but has lots of texture (notice the slouchy suede boots and the shoulder detail on her top).  Her accessories and hands-down great hair turn this outfit into complete cool.

Prada cardigan, Armani shirt, and Church's shoes

Vintage top from Buffalo Exchange, skirt and tights from Forever 21

Bracelet - Metropark

No sweat on her brow with four bags of hair

Slick hair and a dandy pose

Chitlins and Charo

We traveled to Las Vegas on a night junket to see the legendary Charo perform and to celebrate my birthday.  Unfortunately, the flight was delayed a bit and forced us to eat in the hotel cafe which offered an array of choices from kung-pao chicken to pork chops.  My stomach began to twist and turn like one of her sweaty back-up dancers as I finished my biscuits and gravy and took my last sip of margarita - yum!  Her sold out show was not a disappointment, and I am convinced that if Mattel created a Spanish Barbie, it would look just like Charo.  After the show, we slipped backstage to take some photos and gab a bit about fashion.  She thought I was cute so we know her eyesight is failing, although she kept eyeing my canvas pineapple printed sandals.  Don't be mistaken with all of her beaded costumes, heavy accents, and "cuchi-cuchi", we both walked away that night knowing there ain't nothing hoochy about my platform Gucci.

Gucci pineapple print platform sandals

A little Q&A with Charo:

When asked her favorite color, Charo immediately responded with pink - very shocking.  Her mother always dressed her in pink and she loves being girly and flirty so what better pick.  She also loves red since it's such a color of passion, and her Spanish background and high energy are perfect for such a fiery color.

Knowing she doesn't buy her costumes off the rack given her amazing figure, she told us they are each designed by her sister who has a great eye for stage presence outfits that are heavily beaded, but she has to practically beg for new ones given her time constraints with her busy schedule.

For kicking around during the day, Charo gasped that Lady Gaga has nothing on her because she loves sparkle anytime or anywhere.

Regarding her bouncy hair, she said she always does her own color because she knows how to get a natural, healthy look for her long locks that some younger pop stars sometimes miss the mark.

As for this sassy beauty, she would not divulge about any plastic surgery but did say as for liposuction, she's terribly afraid of vacuums!  And, from where I was sitting in the second row from the looks of her porcelain skin, this lady needs to keep doing what she's doing!

Missing Charo already

Skirting Around The Issues

My chihuahua and I share the same birthday.  I know it seems gay, but true.  Ever since I got her, my mother has sent me a celebratory card but never acknowledges my dog.  I wanted to get to the bottom of why my mother was being a bitch to my bitch.  After much therapy, shopping, and other, I reverted back to the age of five when my mother gave me a blow-up pool which still exhausts me thinking of airing that fucker up, but a cousin's dog carted it off.  For my 7th birthday, she bought me a larger blue plastic pool with a slide.  Slightly fat, I was unable to use the slide feature, and the neighbor's golden retriever used it mostly to sun bathe and cool off.  Finally for my 10th birthday, I got a 24 foot above ground pool.  It was amazing and complete with 3 ladders and a wrap-around deck; however, a stray dog decided to dig a hole under the pool like it was heading to China which left my 4 foot deep pool 6-1/2 in some spots.  After my father made that discovery, we never saw that animal again for some reason.  Today, I can comfortably lounge out by my circular 1950's concrete pond in a Grecian Gaultier bathing suit.  With family forgiveness on my mind and a cocktail in my hand, I chuckle at the building's regulation sign that states, "no pets allowed", and as it goes, my mother would approve.

American Apparel v-neck tee, skirted bathing suit by Jean Paul Gaultier, Louis Vuitton flip-flops, Hermes towel

Pool Rules

Don't Be Silly

Flesh was one of the strong themes for many collections for spring 2010.  We're not talking XXX Adults Only, but rather referencing to flesh as a color.  Try to think of when you were a child and your mother would take you to the local five and dime, and by the way this store doesn't involve Jimmy Dean.  My mother often tried to occupy my mind by purchasing candy or toys, but one time she let me have a package of silly putty.  This allowed her some fuss-free minutes to browse through the pantyhose that came in the plastic eggs to try to decipher which shade of tan would be most appropriate for her skin tone after she had just been in a tanning booth for twelve minutes (that was the recommended time by the owner due to new bulbs).  This left her skin the perfect shade of fleshy pink that was found in the lineup from Stella McCartney and one of Michelle's favorites - Jason Wu.  At home, I would press that damn ball of smelly wax on all fashions found in the Sunday circular and stretch them larger and larger as if the items were mine to keep.  Inevitably my mother would always end my daydreaming with some self absorbed question like, "do you think these knee-highs make my ankles look fat?"

Miu Miu trench, Roland Mouret tank, Chloe linen pants, Miu Miu multi-colored pumps

Silly Putty

Street Chic

During these hot summer months when the temperature is well over 100 degrees, it's sometimes hard to wear great clothes or at least have them look really great; however, this interior design specialist knows how to wear it all just right by mixing simple and breezy with a little glam.  She is wearing a DKNY beaded caftan blouse paired with white shorts from Old Navy.  To jazz it up, she opted for Tory Burch flip flops and a Balenciaga bag in this hot fuschia color (that she recently picked up while in Monte Carlo).  And always, remember to add a little bling like her Cartier watch and vintage Hermes bracelets.  Now that's tres belle and tres chic!

Hazardous Hay

Recently I played host for a dizzying friend from out of state.  Confessing their hidden love for line dancing, I suggested a visit to the Round Up - a gay country and western bar in the heart of the rainbow district of Big D.  Less than half a drink into this escapade, I slipped on what was probably remnants from a cow pasture and landed against a cocktail table of Asians dressed like Howdy Doody.  Embarrased and slightly bruised, I hobbled my Fendi raffia platforms across the dance floor to act as though nothing had just happened.  My neck seemed as if it needed a brace as I had been whipping it from side to side and trying to balance the brim of my Lanvin straw cowboy hat yet failing miserably all along trying to do the two-step.  Days later, I am branded with a tightly bound ankle, songs from Tammy Wynette, and high pitched screams of heeeeeyyyyyyy girl still ringing throughout my head - yee-hah!

Fendi raffia platform sandals

Lanvin straw hat with ribbons

Clearly Over

Prada showed lots of lucite for spring/summer 2010 from top handle totes to heeled shoes with faux glass chandeliers dangling about to earrings that matched all.  Fendi accessorized with a high platform sandal that laced up the leg in fabric that was as see-through as a gold-diggers intent.  I have bought bangles and rings throughout the years from Louis Vuitton and Patricia von Musulin, but I always fall short of a long love affair with these types of items.  It's like the visual of catching a glimpse of yourself in the make up mirror of a hotel bathroom at three o'clock in the morning!  A cocktail ring in resin is sure to give your de-hydrated pores that same magnification - not pretty.  A shear pair of plastic shoes also presents its own set of issues.  It doesn't come with wipers or a defroster system.  For example, just look at your friend's foggy foot steps.  One of the given facts in life is that you will never be able to keep a black car clean, and lucite will always be finger printed only to worsen as you wipe your dirty thumbprint across to try and clear the smudge - good luck!  I'm not saying I won't reignite the flames, but for now, it's a flicker with only touches of household decor in this glossy material.  Frankly, this trend has slightly started to bug me.

Martin Margiela lucite pin with white painted beetle

Brass starburst on lucite cube - so retro chic!

Lucite piece - "Red, White, Black, and Blue" #3 by Brian Bowers

and "Red, White, Black, and Blue" #2 by Brian Bowers

Street Chic

(From time to time, I will post "Street Chic" about someone I see who has an interesting style, clever look, or great outfit.  This is my first one - enjoy!)

I like the look of this hairstylist.  She has an edgy but simple look.  It feels relaxed with the oversized pieces of her tops which are Mossimo for Target yet edgy with the tight pants from Lucky and the rocker/combat boots she found at Forever 21.  She looks confident and comfortable and has pulled the look together with a "splurge" bag by Louis Vuitton which is key to mixing and matching an outfit.  Use both luxury items and more affordable pieces for a total look that feels natural and easy.

The Perfect Boyfriend

All my lady friends are out on the prowl looking for mister right via pseudo-seedy night club establishments or over-rated internet websites.  I for one would rather they cover up the family jewels with a slightly over-sized men's inspired jacket (referenced to the boyfriend jacket) than allow the prospects to see it all before landing the crucial second date.  This trend is great for summer shown in a linen, cotton, or light-weight wool and migrating into fall with a heavier feel but still maintaining a relaxed look.  Honestly, this investment can be well worth the hunt, and let's face it, this boyfriend has better resale value!

Marc Jacobs jacket with satin trim, Fendi sweater with rosettes, and Peter Som seersucker trousers

Dries Van Noten linen jacket

Double breasted linen jacket and khaki pants with black waistband - both by Dries Van Noten, Bottega Veneta spectator loafers, and custom made shirt (and my boyfriend)

Hair Today, Gone Tommorow

It has been so busy with work, preparing for a summer jaunt, and getting this blog up and going that I sometimes let those personal touches in life slide by.  For example, today while driving I caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror and had a moment of (I'm not joking), OMG, I look just like Frida Kahlo!  U-turning abruptly to the nearest nails, facial, and massage all-in-one establishment, I went in and pleaded for a waxing.  The operator said she was sugaring my brows, but it felt more like a candy bar that had been in a vending machine in the Texas heat for too many days!  Happy when that was over, I sprinted out to my car where I tripped on a parking median, and while my head was down, I noticed that my eyebrows had taken on all the colors found in my Miu Miu shoes.  Whoever said fashion is painless, they lied!

Miu Miu spectator pumps in shades of red

Freshly "sugared" brow in shades of red - Ouch!